March 28, 2010
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I have been feeling very sad this week. It started last week after church. I was thinking about the hurdles in our project, and I just felt this overwhelming sense of sadness. I know that I’m supposed to be upbeat and optimistic about it. I’m supposed to put on a good face and remind you that this is a chance for new folks to take ownership in the project and that perhaps the community will be happier with the smaller building and that we might just find a much better location in the community for our worship space. But last Sunday, I … just … felt … sad. I was sad that so many of you who have worked so hard to follow God’s call are now feeling frustrated and angry and sad and uncertain. And I have felt sad that our ministry together has been put on hold until the project gets settled again.
As I was reading up for my sermon this week, I was prompted several times to think about how Jesus was feeling as he was entering Jerusalem on the donkey, with shouts of disciples who have been following him for so long. Shouts that the Pharisees try to hush…unsuccessfully, of course. Knowing that he will share an intimate meal with his disciples, his closest friends, and wash their dirty feet, only to have them betray and deny him. Knowing that he will face trial after trial and be tortured and sentenced to a brutal death on a cross. How in the world can he keep going through it all? How can he put on a good face and and just keep going.
In all of my sadness, I am drawn instead to Jesus in the garden. There he is so honest. He has finished this Seder meal with his disciples, washed their feet, warned them of their impending betrayal and denial, established the new covenant in bread and wine, and brought the disciples to the garden to pray. He has got to be frustrated and tired and afraid. The disciples can’t even stay awake to pray. It’s late in the evening and there is much drama to come. And how overwhelming would it be to know exactly how you are going to die and not have any way of stopping it? I have to admit that resurrection from death would not be all that motivating for me to suffer such a brutal death. Sweating blood, he prays that this cup pass over him…that things go down a different way. But alas, he prays to God, “not my will, but thy will.” Jesus is faithful to God’s plan for his life to be a savior to God’s people. He is faithful to God’s people—the good the bad and the ugly parts of us.
I relate to Jesus frustration, as I know that you do.
I relate to Jesus weariness, as I know that you do.
I relate to Jesus fear, as I know that you do.
And I try my hardest to relate to Jesus turning over his will to God’s plan, as I know that you do.
I have always looked at Jesus as a role model. I have tried my hardest to pattern my life after his. I have tried to be a friend to the friendless and to be a servant of those around me and to be radically hospitable—no matter what the cost to myself. What has taken me a long time to realize is that it’s not very realistic to go around and be just like Jesus—how many times has any of us cast out demons from people around us? And there are many who would say that we should not look at Jesus as a role model because we can’t be expected to die trying to accomplish our mission in life.
But I think where those folks and I all miss the mark is that we should try to be faithful like Jesus was faithful. Jesus was called to suffer and die on the cross for us and our faithful response is to discern God’s plan for our lives both as individuals and in community. And for us to pursue that plan…that call with as much energy, enthusiasm, imagination, and love that we can muster.
I felt quite distracted by my sadness this week, and was quite frustrated that it was an obstacle to writing my sermon for today. But apparently God’s plan was for me to preach, so in the face of challenging feelings, I had to put on a good face and write. I did take some time to feel my sadness and frustration like Jesus in the garden…to let out my feelings. And in doing so, I was able to get my focus back. And so like Jesus as he was riding the donkey into Jerusalem, I was able to pull it together and put on a good face and write.
I’m glad that we as a congregation have had some “garden time” to express our feelings of sadness and frustration and fear and weariness about the hurdles in our project. But very soon we will need to put on good faces like Jesus on the donkey riding into Jerusalem and figure out God’s plan for us. I look forward to doing this work with you all and to our ministry that we develop together.
Amen
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